Post by Night on Jan 10, 2011 2:25:09 GMT -5
(I'm not lion, these are funny ;D )
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.
One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The Dachshund thinks, “I’m in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.”
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”
Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet… And just when they get close enough to hear,
The Dachshund says...
“Where’s that darn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Safari!
Safari who?
Safari so good!
Two lawyers took a long safari vacation in the African Bush. One day, they took a rest, removed their packs, and leaned their rifles against a tree. They were startled when a large, hungry-looking lion emerged from the jungle and began eyeing them with anticipation. It was clear that the lawyers' rifles were too far away to do them any good. One lawyer began to remove his shoes, and was asked by the other why he was doing that. The man replied, "Because I can run faster without them." The first lawyer told him, "I don't care how fast you can run, you'll never outrace that lion." The now-barefoot man told him, "I don't have to outrun the lion. I just have to outrun you."
A big game hunter goes on an African safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman. Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically: "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says: "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.
One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The Dachshund thinks, “I’m in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.”
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”
Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet… And just when they get close enough to hear,
The Dachshund says...
“Where’s that darn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Safari!
Safari who?
Safari so good!
Two lawyers took a long safari vacation in the African Bush. One day, they took a rest, removed their packs, and leaned their rifles against a tree. They were startled when a large, hungry-looking lion emerged from the jungle and began eyeing them with anticipation. It was clear that the lawyers' rifles were too far away to do them any good. One lawyer began to remove his shoes, and was asked by the other why he was doing that. The man replied, "Because I can run faster without them." The first lawyer told him, "I don't care how fast you can run, you'll never outrace that lion." The now-barefoot man told him, "I don't have to outrun the lion. I just have to outrun you."
A big game hunter goes on an African safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman. Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically: "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says: "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"
